Changing Lives

“My mom didn’t know what to do with me.” – Olivia

I’m 17 years old and I came from a broken family. My dad was deported when I was eight, and my mom was a single mom who had to work multiple jobs to support three kids. We moved a lot and as soon as I started getting comfortable in one place and feeling like it was home, we packed up and moved. My 7th grade summer is when we moved an hour away from my grandparents and my friends. I never felt like I belonged anywhere after that. It was hard for me to fit in and start fresh in a new place. Starting freshman year, I realized I was very depressed, and I felt like I didn’t know who I was. I felt like I had no one to talk to about my feelings of depression, anxiety, or aloneness. My mom worked full time and my sisters were trying to get comfortable in our new house as well. As I felt like I had no one to go to, those feelings bottled up inside of me and eventually started coming out in anger. I took it out on those who surrounded me, including my family and people at school. Soon, I could no longer control my anger and I felt I needed something else to take those feelings away. Freshman summer is when I started abusing drugs and alcohol.

I believed I was a normal teenage kid, but things started getting out of hand and I felt I couldn’t go a day without taking prescription drugs, other drugs, or drinking alcohol. I put these things above my family, myself, and school. I eventually stopped going to school and missed out on almost my entire sophomore year. My relationship with my family was shattered. My relationship with myself was nonexistent and so was my relationship with God. My mom didn’t know what to do with me. I was out of control, and she didn’t know why I was acting out. I toured Agape House and School, but I can’t recall anything from the meeting my mom and I had, or who it was with. The one thing I remember was one of the directors telling me, “I don’t think you’re ready to put the drugs behind you and give this your all,” and that was that. I kept on with this lifestyle for a few more months and never thought about Agape House again; thinking to myself, I’m doing normal teenage things and my mom is overreacting. I will get better when I WANT to get better, and I don’t need anyone’s help. Soon enough, I had a breaking point.

I was arrested for doing drugs and as my mugshot was taken, I thought about what I really wanted in life. Did I really want to continue with this lifestyle? I want to graduate high school and eventually go to college, don’t I? I want to be successful and have a happy, healthier life. I don’t want to be 45 and have possession of any type of drugs on my record. I couldn’t do these things if I continued with this lifestyle. So, a month or two later, I decided I was going to stay with a family member in North Dakota to work and pay off my fines. Away from bad friends, away from drug dealers, away from all my bad habits. That summer in North Dakota was a really difficult time for me. I was really starting to question God’s existence. I remember one day walking home from work and asking God to show me proof that He loves and cares for me. During that walk, I counted at least 27 yellow butterflies that flew right in front of my face. That was God—there’s no way it couldn’t have been. After returning home from North Dakota, I realized I couldn’t get through the things I was going through on my own. I decided to go to Agape House and give it my all.

I soon realized that God brought me there for a reason and he wasn’t going to leave my side despite all the things I’ve done and the things I’ve been through. If I hadn’t made that decision, I wouldn’t have been able to learn how to cope with my feelings in a healthy way or communicate better with my family and friends. Being at Agape House taught me how healthy relationships are supposed to be. Everyone there showed me how loved I really am despite my background or the things I’ve done. The experience really helped me learn to be myself and love myself and others the way God has loved me, through all the good and bad. Being at Agape House truly helped my relationship with God grow and helped me realize what I’d been through was not my fault.